So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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