Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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