I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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