therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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