I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
