I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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