i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
