I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
