dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
