Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
