Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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