My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
