everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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