My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
