On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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