Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There r osticjed everywhere
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
