Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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