she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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