Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
