i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
