is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
