I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
