there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
