Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
