one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
