census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
