I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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