Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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