yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
