hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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