I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
