he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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