just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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