Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
