the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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