She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
