whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
