I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
