oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
