I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
