Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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