This is not my ceiling
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
