Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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