i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
