hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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