Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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