just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
