you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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