Just fell off a train. Bad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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