My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
