Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
