Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
