I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
