I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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