youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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