She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
